“Hi Brock
My name is Allie and I’ve had a copy of your book Reflections for Someone Special for as long as I can remember (I’m currently 34). Someone likely gave it to my mother as a gift in the late 80s or early 90s, but I became the keeper of the family book collection early on. I’ve always had a strong love of reading.
As a child I recall flipping through your book and feeling like it was a special book. I was very impressed by the calligraphy, though at the time I didn’t realize it wasn’t a font. I remember reading it and not knowing what to think, it wasn’t a story or nonfiction… and it wasn’t really poetry either.
Your book pulled at me and I returned to it often. The little girl reminded me of myself. I was not a popular child… reading at recess, didn’t fit in with most of the girls, and to be honest I was not a terribly nice child to other children. I strongly preferred the company of adults. I was adopted as a baby and struggled a lot with feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and a loss of self identity. No one in my life talked to me about love and loneliness the way your Reflections did.
When I was in middle school, during the heyday of MySpace, I was badly bullied on early social media. I had a tiny group of friends and otherwise disliked most everyone else and they seemed to dislike me. Really I know now that I regularly pushed others away first…. You can’t reject me if I reject you first was my logic.
For a while I kept your book on my bedside table and every day I’d open it to a random page and make that my focus for the day. I don’t think it helped my bullying but made me feel more confident in myself. I always liked the cover/final reflection, “I’d rather be seen for who I am and be alone… than be accepted for someone I’m not and be lonely.” This has become a core of who I am as a person.
Your book has moved with me 12 times. As a book lover I donate and sell books constantly. Reflections for Someone Special got close to the donation bin multiple times but I just couldn’t let it go. Your book became a sentimental object for me.
Very recently a rat got into my home (exterminated now) and made my vast bookshelves his habitat. It’s been extremely emotional for me to go through the destruction and have to trash many old friends. Tonight I finally got to start putting books back on the restored shelves, and I made a to-read pile to bring to my bedroom. I picked up Reflections from the thankfully giant pile of undamaged books and experienced a wave of relief that your little book was unscathed. I reread it tonight… it had been about 10 years and I guessed it might feel different now that my life is so different.
I had some major life changes a few years ago that lost me two dear friendships. They decided we were incompatible and rejected me. I was feeling sad about it earlier after I found something that reminded me of them.
I’ll share the Reflections upon rereading that moved me.
“The more I’ve faced my fears by being open… the more my openness has bought out others fears.”
“If you won’t be honest with me because you’re worried about hurting me… you’ll hurt me so much more if I find out you were dishonest.”
One of my friends had actually asked me to lie to her about my changes… and I told her the truth knowing it would make her very unhappy. And I’m comforted with the reminder that I did the right thing being honest, even if I’m more alone now.
Thank you for this book, and for being a part of my childhood, my formation, and life. I’m glad I decided to finally google 😁”
With love always,
Allie
Brock Tully 